Huge Plus....

Today is day 13. Sorry, I do not have my book to say what today's dare is, but it has to do with fair fighting.

I have not seen my daughter in three weeks. I mean I've seen her but I have not gotten to hold or kiss her. Today was the end of that. I had to wait till after church, but it was well worth it. The instant Kristie handed her to me it was just like we never left each other. She looked at me with a lowered head and a bit of sadness, but it lasted all of 10 seconds. I asked for a hug and we spent a few minutes just hugging each other. She placed her head on my shoulder and I felt so much better. Then I asked for a kiss and she gave me one and then she rubbed noses and she laughed! I love her so much and I missed those interactions. We went to a birthday party with some friends from church and had a blast. The time was too short. I could have done with several more hours. It;s just so strange to me. Kristie had been talking to me and been in a more approachable mood, but today it was like fear had a death grip on her. She took Gracie and it was almost like she was shielding her from me. I guess it hurts so much because I love my daughter so much. For someone to be that afraid of me hurting her hurts worse than not being able to see her. I mean I fell like a horrible person when Kristie demands that I cannot be alone with Gracie at all. I've been really good about taking this in stride, but I would be lying if I didn't say I am not comfortable with it. Tomorrow will be a new day and with God's help I will survive. Patiently waiting until Wednesday night and Thursday when I can spend time with her again. I am grateful that the people supervising are my friends because I still feel like I can be a father. It could be worse. Keep praying for us! Have a Blessed day!

Feeling Good....

Day 10 already? Some of these dares are hard to do when communication is limited. I am looking forward to the the dares that are more focused on what I can do for me. Today's dare is

DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY TODAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE--SOMETIMES THAT PROVES(TO THEM AND TO THEM)THAT YOUR LOVE IS BASED ON YOUR CHOICE AND NOTHING ELSE. WASH HER CAR. CLEAN THE KITCHEN. BUY HIS FAVORITE DESSERT. FOLD THE LAUNDRY. DEMONSTRATE LOVE TO THEM FOR THE SHEER JOY OF BEING THEIR PARTNER IN MARRAIGE.

I love this book. I want to finish it. I am wondering if now is the right time. If I stop, will I pick it back up again in a few months? I guess I should just pray about it.

I feel good about myself. I know it's only going to get better. I have not given up on this relationship. I just have to give God the time to repair the damage. This is stinking hard. Please keep me in your prayers:)

Humpday!

Yesterday, I was supposed to burn the list of negative things and congratulate her on a recent achievement. I burned the negatives and I thanked her for being a good mother to our daughter. Even with her request for me to not communicate with her unless it is about Gracie, an opportunity arose for me to fulfill the dare. She texted me late last night and asked me to call her about Gracie. I called and we ended up talking for 2:45. How crazy is that. God works in mysterious ways sometimes and also girls are weird. We did talk about Gracie for a lot of that time, but some of it was for her benefit. She's still upset and has her guard up, but that's fine. It'll work out in time.

Today's Dare:

THINK OF A SPECIFIC WAY YOU'D LIKE TO GREET YOUR SPOUSE TODAY. DO IT WITH A SMILE AND WITH ENTHUSIASM. THEN DETERMINE TO CHANGE YOUR GREETING TO REFLECT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM.

Keep Praying!

Tuesday

Sorry, I had to leave quickly last night before I got all my thoughts out. Day 7. I still have to write out the two lists. Yesterday, Kristie and I met with our pastor to try and figure out when I can see Gracie. It went better than expected and I believe that the courts will not be involved. I am hopeful that in a few weeks things will be closer to normal with me getting quality time with my daughter. Kristie also informed me that she did not want me to contact her unless it was about scheduling time to see Gracie. That makes completing this Love Dare difficult. It was suggested by a friend that I keep doing it because it will be beneficial to me and whoever I end up with. Another friend suggested that I do it on Gracie. I thought that was a super cool idea and I am going to do it for both of them. This should be fun!

Day 8.

DETERMINE TO BECOME YOUR SPOUSES'S BIGGEST FAN AND TO REJECT ANY THOUGHTS OF JEALOUSY. TO HELP YOU SET YOUR HEART ON YOUR SPOUSE AND FOCUS ON THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS, TAKE YESTERDAY'S LIST OF NEGATIVE ATTRIBUTES AND DISCREETLY BURN IT. THEN SHARE WITH YOUR SPOUSE HOW GLAD YOU ARE ABOUT A SUCCESS HE OR SHE RECENTLY ENJOYED.

Sorry for the delay

So I have to catch you up on what happened with Day 5, 6, and now 7

Day 5 I emailed her and asked her what are three things I could do to change. She didn't respond, but today she gave me a 7 page letter describing all the wrongs I have done and how they made her feel. I can't really argue with any of them because they all happened. More on this later.

Day 6

CHOOSE TODAY TO REACT TO TOUGH CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR MARRIAGE IN LOVING WAYS INSTEAD OF WITH IRRITATION. BEGIN BY MAKING A LIST BELOW OF AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO ADD MARGIN TO YOUR SCHEDULE. THEN LIST ANY WRONG MOTIVATIONS THAT YOU NEED TO RELEASE FROM YOUR LIFE

This one was kind of difficult because she didn't come to church. I guess it was easy to act lovingly.

Day 7

FOR TODAY'S DARE, GET TWO SHEETS OF PAPER. ON THE FIRST ONE, SPEND A FEW MINUTES WRITING OUT POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE. THEN DO THE SAME WITH NEGATIVE THINGS ON THE SECOND SHEET. PLACE BOTH SHEETS IN A SECRET PLACE FOR ANOTHER DAY. THERE IS A DIFFERENT PURPOSE AND PLAN FOR EACH. AT SOME POINT DURING THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY, PICK A POSITIVE ATTRIBUTE FROM THE FIRST LIST AND THANK YOUR SPOUSE FOR HAVING THIS CHARACTERISTIC

I just ran out of time...More Tomorrow!

Humility

Yesterday I was supposed to communicate and ask how the other person is doing and if I could do something for them. I called and she actually texted back. It was a snide remark about child support, but it was a response. Since then she we have had brief texting conversations that revolved around money and her asking me not to come to an event today. Not the most loving responses from her, but after not hearing from her AT ALL in two weeks I'll take what I get.

Today's Dare is

ASK YOUR SPOUSE TO TELL YOU THREE THINGS THAT CAUSE HIM OR HER TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU. YOU MUST DO SO WITHOUT ATTACKING THEM OR JUSTIFYING YOUR BEHAVIOR. THIS IS FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE ONLY.

I think the biggest challenge will be her limiting it to just three things. I hope you all have a blessed day! Keep us in Prayer!

Thoughfulness

Yesterday's dare was to buy something to show your spouse (or partner) that you were thinking of them. I think I mentioned why I bought an aquarium. Well, I took the aquarium over to her house to and much to my surprise she was home. I was fully expecting her to be at work since it was a Thursday. Anyway, I took it to the door and knocked. No answer. I figured she was downstairs so I sent her a text that said, "check your front door." I waited. Still no answer. Then I saw her walk past the door and up the stairs and I knocked again. Still, no answer. I brought her trash can up from the street and decided to leave. I went to the Library and killed a few hours and then I drove by again to see if she had taken it in. As you can tell, I really wanted to see how she responded to it. I guess it is just not time for that yet. I can wait.

Day 4. Today's Dare is

CONTACT YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIME DURING THE BUSINESS OF THE DAY. HAVE NO AGENDA OTHER THAN ASKING HOW HE OR SHE IS DOING AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO FOR THEM

Keep me and Kristie in your prayers!

I get to buy stuff!

Day 2 was interesting. I was supposed to make a nice gesture to her. I offered to take her car to get the tags renewed because she is busy with Gracie and kids and she is also very prone to forget. She didn't respond to the text much less accept it, but if anything I reminded her that it needed to be done.

The dare for Day 3 is:

WHATEVER YOU PUT YOUR TIME, ENERGY, AND MONEY INTO WILL BECOME MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU. IT'S HARD TO CARE FOR SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT INVESTING IN. ALONG WITH RESTRAINING FROM NEGATIVE COMMENTS, BUY YOUR SPOUSE SOMETHING THAT SAYS, "I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU TODAY."

Gracie won a fish at a carnival a couple of months ago and Kristie has been taking really good care of it. The problem is that she doesn't have an aquarium with a filter to keep the water flowing and clean. She has been having to switch containers every few days to keep the fish alive. Well, a couple of weeks ago she didn't change the water soon enough and the fish was struggling to breathe. Kristie calls me down stairs and tells me to go look at the fish. She had changed the water but the fish was swimming on his side. She was really upset about it. I kept saying it was just a fish and fishes die. I didn't hug her or comfort her. I kept my distance and treated her like a child. I should have realized that it was not about the fish. She was upset that she had failed at taking care of something. I should have reassured her and comforted her. I was wrong in the way I handled it. So, today I am going to buy her an aquarium so that she doesn't have to worry about remembering to change the water and she can take care of other things. It will also let her know that I care about how she feels I want to make amends. I wrote a long apology note that I am going to give along with the aquarium. I think the apology will be the real gift. I will update more tomorrow. Keep me in your prayers!

On to the next one.

So, we are on Day 2 of the 40 day challenge. Yesterdays dare was "THE FIRST PART OF THIS DARE IS FAIRLY SIMPLE. ALTHOUGH LOVE IS COMMUNICATED IN A NUMBER OF WAYS, OUR WORDS OFTEN REFLECT THE CONDITION OF OUR HEART. FOR THE NEXT DAY, RESOLVE TO DEMONSTRATE PATIENCE AND TO SAY NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AT ALL. IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, CHOOSE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING, IT'S BETTER TO HOLD YOUR TONGUE THAN TO SAY SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET."

I did fairly well with this one because Kristie is not really talking to me at the moment. I did write her an email that had no negativity in it. No response yet from her. I'm sticking with it though.

Today's dare is "IN ADDITION TO SAYING NOTHING NEGATIVE TO YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN TODAY, DO AT LEAST ONE UNEXPECTED GESTURE AS AN ACT OF KINDNESS"

I sent a text message offering to take her car to get the registration renewed on my lunch break. I am not expecting to her back from her, but I know that she was not expecting me to do that. I hope I can stay motivated throughout the whole 40 days. I really want my heart to be changed into a more loving one. I want the tools to Love as God intends me to. I'll update tomorrow on the new dare and how I felt about today's. Have a good day, all. May God Bless you.

This is just the beginning....

Today I am going to start the Fireproof challenge. I know I am not married, but I don't have to be to show love. I am going to try to post everyday with the Challenges and how I do with them. Pray for me! I will need the encouragement!